I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
