Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
