So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
