Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
