you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
