why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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