Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
