Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
