I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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