2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
