Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
