morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
