at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize