I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
