Can Purell be used as lube?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize