I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
