Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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