This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
