just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
