I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
