I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
