I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
whose parrot is this?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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