i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
