How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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