I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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