dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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