I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
