if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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