I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
