My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
