You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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