i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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