when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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