Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
