when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
