i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
