chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
