Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
