I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
