A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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