Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
