dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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