i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
