Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
