how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
