you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
