Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
