So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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