Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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