I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
