so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
