Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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