My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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