opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
