I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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