Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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