Me too!
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
