hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
