i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
