dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
