this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize