im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This can only be settled by a dance off.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
