I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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