How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
