so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need moral support for this bender
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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