well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
