I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
