You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
