ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you will always have a special place in my vag
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
